A Pathetic Newcomer

There she is, going to make her first move on this area. If I were her, I would prepare my life for it. It’s my first, for God sake.

But too bad I was not her. She does not match any of my criteria of being ‘prepared and excited’.

I even quoted Bob Sadino from Kick Andy for her. I feed her one thing, she ask for another one. And then more. And more. And more. I even googled the sources for her and give her the numbers. So am I right or wrong to question her: are you even trying, my dear?

She said, she feels like she’s not trusted because I ask her too many questions. Hell yeah. Does she think I’m a psychic or what. Even lovers need a conversation to understand each other, to know what the other is doing. And when she said that I seem like I don’t trust her, hellow? Are you sure you know what you’re saying? Asshole.

And now I’m having a headache because of her. My husband said, she doesnt worth it. I know. But she will be doing her reporting two days from now, and she’s still in ground zero.

I would really love to say this in front of her face: your high IP doesn’t really define what you can do in this business. And I’m definitely not your mother who is going to save your ass.

But saying that won’t make her reporting going well, right? I will be satisfied, but that’s just it.

Jutek

Reality bites, truth hurts, shit happens. But when the reality really bites you, when the truth really hurts you, bigger shit is happening. Like what I’m feeling last Friday.

I received an SMS from a reporter, telling me that I was so ‘jutek’ and that she tried not to listen to others.

Well, I shouldnt be too surprised about that. But I did. I feel hurt, somehow. It’s like that I can’t face the reality which I built myself. I know I’m vicious. I know I’m very harsh in commenting. Even in a friendship level, I could be very harsh. Couldnt help it, it runs in the family.

Suddenly I feel numb. I dont really know whether my choice of action along this time is correct or not. No one has ever confronted me because of what I did. Ah no. It happened. Two reporters stated clearly that they are not comfortable with what I do. And I really appreciate that by –finally- softening my harsh comments. I believe, I stay in that level until now. At least, that’s what I believe.

But still I’m harsh. Very very rude to some people. Well what can I do. Should I warn everyone before they come near?

A fellow editor told one reporter that one should be very very ready before approaching me. I thank her for that. Because that’s true. Well, that doesnt really show that I’m harsh right? I’m just being an editor with a high quality standard. Like in a factory, my office is a factory of radio features. So I should maintain the level of quality in order to be the best, as we want it to be. Is that so wrong?

Another fellow editor told one reporter that I should ‘feel’ the proposed theme before I said yes. That’s also true, and I thank him for that. Therefore I would ask basic questions and I expect the reporter has the answer. Ah sure, I can also google for that. But for God sake, it’s not me who is selling the theme, right? One should really learn from medicine seller from traditional market who will always claim that their medicine is the best. I need that kind of spirit when understanding one theme. I need to feel that the theme is so strong and that the reporter is so confident of what he/she is doing.

But I often deal with the contrary. One that doesnt have a clue about his/her own theme. One that doesnt know how to make the story. One that doesnt have the answers I need hear. One that doesnt have the spirit as I expected.

So, what should I do? I claim to have a higher standard compared to other editors. Let’s say that it’s not a ‘high standard’, just ‘a standard’, then why am I being the one who is called ‘jutek’?

Is it the standard or is it the way I deliver how I do my standard?

Makan Orang

Pada 24 November, gw lagi mixing kerjaan reporter lain. Lalu gw menjadi nyolot karena gw berasa ketempuhan kerjaan gak beres, dan itu bukan kerjaan gw. Karena nyolot, gw tulis status di fb soal pingin makan orang idup-idup.

Ternyata status itu cukup menggemparkan. Di kantor, temen-temen editor jadi suka ngeledekin ‘Ati-ati dia suka makan orang’ dan sebangsanya. Soal itu sih biasa. Gw terkenal kejam. Lalu temen kuliah yang kebetulan jadi temen sekantor bertanya,’Siapa yang mau elu makan idup-idup?’ Gw cuma terkekeh-kekeh aja. Lantas ternyata, gara-gara status itu, satu temen jauh nanyain, plus satu temen ex sekantor sempet maju mundur mau ketemu gw.

Ini juga yang lantas jadi pemicu mengapa blog ini dibuat. Supaya gw gak perlu marah di hadapan publik dan menggulrkan prasangka yang enggak-enggak. I was mad for a reason, dan gak pingin juga mesti jelasin ke semua orang satu per satu apa alasan gw. Kurang kerjaan.

Gw sempet mikir marah-marahnya di twitter aja. Kayaknya anak-anak kantor gw gak banyak pake twitter. Tapi ya sudah lah. Mendingan dilampiaskan di sini saja. And I will try my best to keep this blog a secret.

Nobody should know that inherent Captain Haddock’s blood in me, hahaha.

Mengapa

Kalau tidak salah hitung, ini berarti blog ke-11 yang gw punya. Life has endless chapters and oh how my brain is so limited. Makanya blog ini ada.

Karena gw pemarah, dan setiap kali gw marah maka biasanya gw menyesal. Jadi mendingan gw marah-marahnya di sini saja. Supaya tidak perlu ada korban. Ini bagian dari resolusi 2010 yang gw canangkan sejak hari ini. Introspeksi, sekaligus resolusi mendatang.

Supaya hidup gw lebih baik dan gak kebanyakan marah. Tapi juga gak jerawatan karena nahan marah.