Jutek

Reality bites, truth hurts, shit happens. But when the reality really bites you, when the truth really hurts you, bigger shit is happening. Like what I’m feeling last Friday.

I received an SMS from a reporter, telling me that I was so ‘jutek’ and that she tried not to listen to others.

Well, I shouldnt be too surprised about that. But I did. I feel hurt, somehow. It’s like that I can’t face the reality which I built myself. I know I’m vicious. I know I’m very harsh in commenting. Even in a friendship level, I could be very harsh. Couldnt help it, it runs in the family.

Suddenly I feel numb. I dont really know whether my choice of action along this time is correct or not. No one has ever confronted me because of what I did. Ah no. It happened. Two reporters stated clearly that they are not comfortable with what I do. And I really appreciate that by –finally- softening my harsh comments. I believe, I stay in that level until now. At least, that’s what I believe.

But still I’m harsh. Very very rude to some people. Well what can I do. Should I warn everyone before they come near?

A fellow editor told one reporter that one should be very very ready before approaching me. I thank her for that. Because that’s true. Well, that doesnt really show that I’m harsh right? I’m just being an editor with a high quality standard. Like in a factory, my office is a factory of radio features. So I should maintain the level of quality in order to be the best, as we want it to be. Is that so wrong?

Another fellow editor told one reporter that I should ‘feel’ the proposed theme before I said yes. That’s also true, and I thank him for that. Therefore I would ask basic questions and I expect the reporter has the answer. Ah sure, I can also google for that. But for God sake, it’s not me who is selling the theme, right? One should really learn from medicine seller from traditional market who will always claim that their medicine is the best. I need that kind of spirit when understanding one theme. I need to feel that the theme is so strong and that the reporter is so confident of what he/she is doing.

But I often deal with the contrary. One that doesnt have a clue about his/her own theme. One that doesnt know how to make the story. One that doesnt have the answers I need hear. One that doesnt have the spirit as I expected.

So, what should I do? I claim to have a higher standard compared to other editors. Let’s say that it’s not a ‘high standard’, just ‘a standard’, then why am I being the one who is called ‘jutek’?

Is it the standard or is it the way I deliver how I do my standard?